Hello, FNX. I’ve been asked by Ryden, one of the site’s owners, to share with you some stories that have been circulating on various forums for the past couple of years. See, I used to work at a 24-hour adult bookstore
- This particular store was the Wal-Mart of sex accessories. First of all, it was HUGE, about 2/3 the size of your standard big-box store. Next, we had every brand of lubricant imaginable, every silicon replica of genitals ever made, a full line of costumes, and the best selection of S&M and edible attire available in a store which also sells pornography. And boy, did we sell pornography. If someone pointed a camera at two or more people doing illicit things with their crotches within the last 30 years, you’d find the footage somewhere on one of our racks.
- Ryden was our best customer. Nah, just playing. It was actually the Flying Wonder Cat. I sold him TWO penis pumps.
- Sometimes I’ll embellish the facts to make things funnier, but usually I won’t have to. For example, Flying Wonder Cat was not actually a regular, and he’s not the person I sold two penis pumps to. In reality, it was one of my graphic design clients. Yes, really.
- For reasons that #3 should have made obvious, I won’t be using any real names. If a person’s actual name is used here, it is either a joke or a coincidence.
- Most importantly, this location had two theatres in it. In case you weren’t aware, XXX theatres are the traditional social forum of homo-erectilus, otherwise known as the North American Dirty Old Man. These places also have a subculture all their own, that you are better off not knowing about.
- I will be discussing them, so if that sort of thing makes you go all yucky, now is your cue to exit. Beyond this point, anything you read will be your fault.
- That being said, I will only use graphic descriptions when it’s absolutely necessary.
More to come!
